We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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