No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
