This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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