So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
