Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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