yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was like eating out sand paper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
