haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
