You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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