I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
