Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
