Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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