dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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