the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize