NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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