This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
