Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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