I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
