wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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