your thong is hanging out like whoa
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Congratulations! We have a period
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
