And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
