dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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