he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
