Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
