Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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