Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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