I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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