So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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