The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
