She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
