i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
