I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
