I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
