Buhtt sex?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
