So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
