You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
