I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
