Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize