Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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