marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
