Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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