I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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