I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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