I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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