There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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