dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
