I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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