Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize