that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
