She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
