bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
