He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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