How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
