what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
one might say we're banned from that church
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
