i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
