I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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