she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am naked and annoyed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
