I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How's work?
Spinning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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