does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
