Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
