Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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