I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
