Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
