I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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