i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
