Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
