Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
