this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
