I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
