How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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