Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
