Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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