Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Houston, we have a squirter
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had to cum in my sink.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
