Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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