All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
