So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
