my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
