I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
